If you’ve ever sat in front of your mirror with a dad hat on, cigarette smoke fogging up the glass, torn between what the subtext of listening to two of your biggest idols might imply about what others think of you, you may finally find peace come later this month. An event set for later this month by two of music’s coolest dudes has been set to finally answer the coolest, whitest, and most completely irrelevant of questions: who is the true Troubadour of Chill?
In a rare move that critics are saying will finally give listeners a definitive answer, Mac DeMarco and Sufjan Stevens have announced that they will finally settle their differences in a rare joint concert “battle.” Titled CoaCHILLa, the event is slated for April 20th and, according to information leaked from Stevens’ representatives, will “most likely be held in, like, a meadow somewhere,” though a set location has not yet been disclosed.
It’s no secret that while blood between DeMarco and Stevens is far from boiling, it’s nowhere near as relaxed as their respective demeanors might suggest. The two have been at odds ever since a teenage music blogger in suburban Chicago stated that DeMarco had more “license to chill” than Stevens. Stevens allegedly muttered something along the lines of “okay, cool, man” in response. DeMarco initially said nothing, but, onstage later that night, simply flashed a grin and nodded before saying “nice, Sufjan is the man,” sparking an all-out passive-aggressive cold front between the two. What pundits have dubbed The Chill War has, up until now, mainly been fought in passive-aggressive smiles, nods, and benign statements of “hey, man!” whenever two parties interacted.
Publicists for both artists state that the joint idea for CoaCHILLa is intended to function “much like those rap battles on Jimmy Fallon, but with much more at stake.” Both DeMarco and Stevens will perform several songs, with crowd applause (or, in this case, blissed-out nods of agreement and semi-ironic thumbs-ups, or a Twitter poll posing the question of who wore their hat better that day) determining which artist deserves the title of Chillest of Them All.
Before the location is set, however, potential attendees are being cautioned. “This is no joke,” DeMarco’s publicist team warns. “Seriously, dudes, this is gonna be like the Altamont of our generation. Except not like the Altamont at all, lol.” Attendees are also warned that if they at all suffer from “mild dislike to aversion to” passive-aggressive behavior, dad hats, the word “nah” and/or white males between the ages of 20-30 wearing T-shirts purchased at a gas station 15 years ago, they might want to reconsider attending, or at least taking their complaints to Twitter as per usual.
For now, though, the music community waits, hovering over Twitter, Pitchfork, and every news outlet excepting the radio, awaiting a savior.
cover: Mac DeMarco photo by Coley Brown, Sufjan Stevens photo by Emmanuel Afolabi