Depression is hard to convey to someone who doesn’t feel it, but Mokita helps us understand and feel empowered through “colorblind,” an achingly bittersweet song that dives into the darkest depths of emotional experience.
Stream: “colorblind” – Mokita
I would rather disappear than face the world outside…
“Something doesn’t feel right – it’s like I’m colorblind,” sings a solemn Mokita in his stirring new single. Depression is hard to convey to someone who doesn’t feel it, but Mokita helps us understand and feel empowered through “colorblind,” an achingly bittersweet song that dives into the depths of despair, sadness, and pain.
i know you wanna understand
so i’ll explain the best i can
what this pain feels like
’cause even as i’m sitting
i would rather disappear
than face the world outside
Independently released November 1, “colorblind” is as close as you’re going to get to depression and anxiety without feeling it firsthand. “I can’t really just explain it,” we hear in the background as a forlorn lead guitar sets a moody scene. So begins a powerfully moving musical journey into the core of one person’s experience with depression and anxiety.
Nashville singer/songwriter/producer John-Luke Carter has been making music under the name Mokita for the past four years, and it certainly feels like 2019 has been his busiest year to date – not to mention, his most exciting one yet! The artist has had a prolific year, with his EP 4201 releasing earlier this summer on the heels of a slew of successful singles including “More Than Friends” and “ICLYA” (which stands for I can’t love you anymore [than I do now]).
Having written songs with the likes of Loote and Nevada, collaborated with Maty Noyes, and produced music for Demi Lovato, Mokita is becoming an increasingly known entity in pop music’s small circles – yet it’s in his own solo material where he truly shines the brightest. Mokita’s music is heartfelt, personal, and overwhelmingly honest: His songs always tap into the intimate depths of whatever subject he’s exploring. “I love writing about all the things I don’t have figured out,” he describes in his one-sentence online biography. Every track is its own headfirst dive, whether it’s learning to move on in “Til I Don’t,” relationship strain “Black & Blue” (a collaboration with Lost Frequencies), or understanding the underpinnings of a mental health disorders as in “colorblind.”
“I wrote ‘Colorblind’ as an attempt to try and describe depression to someone who has never experienced it,” Mokita tells Atwood Magazine. “I started experiencing severe depression when I was 14 years old and had no idea what it was really, until several years after going through it. It took me a long time to have the courage to be open and transparent about my battle with depression and anxiety, and songwriting has become one of the main ways that I’m able to process and even combat the sometimes crippling feelings that stem from it.”
In other words, music is Mokita’s catharsis – as it is for so many artists we’ve had the pleasure of highlighting over the years. For as much as music is a mood-enhancing vessel for listeners, it’s just as much (if not more so) one for music makers. In a 2016 interview, Bear’s Den’s Andrew Davie described songwriting as “a kind of therapy;” indeed, the act of exploring subjects through song can be instructive as well as emotionally fulfilling. For Mokita, “colorblind” is a deeply personal outpouring of his truth; he sings from the heart, finding a simple and straightforward manner by which listeners of all ages and backgrounds can understand his experience.
Mokita’s chorus is straightforward and easy to digest, and yet so full of heartache:
So I breathe
Am I gonna drown
you’ll be fine
I say it out loud
I should let someone know..
maybe when i’m better
so I breathe
will it ever end
you’ll be fine
I say it again
I should let someone know
that something doesn’t feel right
It’s like I’m colorblind
cause everybody’s world’s in color
except for mine
“The song was really hard to write; not because of the content matter, but because it’s so hard to try and describe something that you can’t visibly see; something that not everyone is familiar with,” Mokita explains. “My hope with this song was that it would help people who battle with depression to be open about it, and understand that it’s okay to not feel normal; that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. My other hope was that it would help people that haven’t experienced depression understand a little better what it looks like, and in turn help them love the people in their life who do struggle with it without belittling them or making them feel like victims. It’s ok to not be ok, but burying that feeling and hiding it from the people who love you and want to help you only takes things to a darker place. My hope with this song is just that it helps someone. It’s ok to ask for help, and I hope this song encourages that.”
It’s ok to not be ok, but burying that feeling and hiding it from the people who love you and want to help you only takes things to a darker place.
We couldn’t say it better ourselves. Whether you or a loved one is experiencing depression, “colorblind” is a song for you. Mokita’s touching music dives into the heart of the matter, elucidating these dark, difficult feelings and bringing the world a little closer together in the process.
cause everything’s in black and white
and i can’t say i’m numb inside
cause that just sounds so dark
’cause even as we’re sitting here
i’m fighting off a constant fear
but no one sees that part
Its like I’m floating
In a blacked out sky
You think you’re ok
but then you’re not
Stream: “colorblind” – Mokita
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