In honor of Black History Month, Atwood Magazine has invited artists to participate in a series of essays reflecting on identity, music, culture, inclusion, and more.
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Today, Philadelphia artist Chioke shares two special poems as a part of Atwood Magazine’s Black History Month series! The first poem is about when she first found she was pregnant, and the second poem was written three months after she became a mother.
Chioke is one of music’s most magnetic new voices, blending sultry, cinematic vocals into a raw, ethereal sound. With her roots in spoken word and a journey shaped by loss, her story began in a bedroom studio with her best friend and producer, Jay Dreamer, whose passing left an indelible mark on her music. Each track is a punch of feeling, inviting listeners to embrace life’s highs and lows with open arms. In Chioke’s world, every note is a story, every song a rebellion against the ordinary.
Her latest project, ‘When in Doubt,’ is out now via Core Valu / Bread & Butter. “A journey through the trials of poverty, self-doubt, and resilience, this album captures the struggles of navigating life, pursuing dreams, and confronting the tough realities of limited options,” Chioke says.
Read Chioke’s poems below, and listen to ‘When in Doubt’ wherever you stream music!
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WHEN IN DOUBT
by Chioke
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Part 1
Am I not human enough to be worthy of your mercy?
Is it something bout me troubling deep within
You pretended that you couldn’t see it
Maybe those clear lines started to blend
Inconsolable,
She’s just lost her lover
The one beside her
And the one deep within
Inside a new life, they say, is brewing
And ends just mean a new beginning
But what am I to do with 2 ends?
What am I to do with ruins?
How am I supposed to breathe life
If the sacrifice
Is ending it.
If I’m only a poverty-stricken woman
Who’s to say when there will be a right time
Is the sacrifice living a life lonely
Or breathing life when you can barely afford to survive
Is heaven for a rockstar quiet and lonely
Do all my angels belong to heavens of their own
And my chance to filling mine was to leave a mark of mine in time
In blood, not only in stone.
Am I not human enough to be worthy of your mercy
Is it something bout me troubling deep within?
You pretended that you couldn’t see it
Maybe those clear lines started to blend
This poem was written when I first found out I was pregnant. I didn’t necessarily plan on having kids at that point in my life. At the time, I thought I was pregnant with one child. Once I found out I was pregnant with twins, I knew it was meant to be: They were magical to me.
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Part 2
I lean to my left, to kiss you.
As you lay asleep on my shoulder
Your snores — small, sounding like whispers.
I gently bring your brother closer to my face so I can kiss him too.
He’s laying sideways across my stomach
With his heavy head gently resting on your back
My stomach caves in,
As hunger has laid here for maybe 2 hours now
But the essence of my beautiful boys has held me hostage.
A refusal to get up and cook for myself
But this moment is so beautiful.
It seems like I experience it every morning a bit differently.
I think of all the things I should be doing around the house.
How I could be cleaning the kitchen, letting the dog out back, my mind jolts to the things I need to order you two off of Amazon. Then back to the thought of cleaning my bathroom. Maybe I should place you guys in your cribs and in fact…
I’m so in love with this moment, I’ve chosen to neglect my household duties… they’ll get done.
As you both lay on me, I think of the rest of our lives. Specific moments.
And I’m not overwhelmed with the thought of financial responsibilities or filled with the anxiety of being a parent.
Instead, I think of us dancing in the rain. Splashing in iridescent puddles, your high-pitched squeal of laughter and chaos. We’ll be inspired to go inside and paint on a beautiful rainy day.
I imagine you two on the beach in Cape May. Discovering the feeling of sand beneath your feet for the first time. I can’t wait for our first beach trip this summer.
I think of us racing to the car, after leaving somewhere. Me leading the race, but then letting you both catch up enough to stay competitive as I go for my final sprint and win.
I think of all the moments in my life, where my innocence and imagination rang free. And how I get to share that with my boys.
I think of the first time I’ll tell you guys all of the things I accomplished while pregnant with you. The strength and courage you both gave me to choose life when I had been walking this path fueled by loss.
As my tears swell up in my eyes, I squeeze you both tighter and whisper over you, “I’m so excited to be your mother and live the rest of my life with you.”
Mama girl, our dog, murmurs and sighs. Well, this moment has gone on long enough. I slide from between you two, and walk to the kitchen.
I let mama girl out back to pee, and begin to make my breakfast.
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:: stream When in Doubt here ::
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