A soul-stirring folk album of catharsis and confession, inner reckoning and redemption, Lily Kershaw’s ‘Pain & More’ is an achingly vulnerable and brutally raw masterpiece.
for fans of Lucy Dacus, Lizzy McAlpine, Adrianne Lenker
Stream: “Pain & More” – Lily Kershaw
There is not a lyric or a line in this record that I wrote to further a narrative. It is just the truth.
Lily Kershaw didn’t expect to write an entire record about her experience with depression.
But by the time she was ready to press record, the singer/songwriter from Los Angeles had accumulated eleven songs dwelling in her own intimate depths. She had bravely and boldly confronted her demons, processed some of the worst parts of life as she knew it, peeled back painful scars, and created a safe space for the voices in her head (both good and bad) to say what they needed to say. The resulting record is as breathtakingly beautiful as it is utterly gut-wrenching: A soul-stirring folk album of catharsis and confession, inner reckoning and redemption, Lily Kershaw’s Pain & More is an achingly vulnerable and brutally raw masterpiece.
In letting her inner darkness – and her inner light – shine forth, Kershaw has created an enduring account of human suffering and triumph – of the ways in which a body and soul can hurt on end from the inside out. And if there’s any hope to be found in these songs, it is the undeniable reminder that we are never alone in what we’re feeling, and that the pain, as relentless as it may seem, doesn’t last forever.
Take me with the breeze
I’m gentle and at ease
One drink in my hand
Makes me a strongman
Oh I’ll take it neat
If you give me all your love so sweet
I’ll do exactly as you ask me
Cause I’ve been right here before
and I’ve felt that Pain & More
I’ve been hoping for some good days
With some money in the bank
And gas flowing from my tank
And my friends all very happy
– “Pain & More,” Lily Kershaw
Released September 13, 2024 via Nettwerk Music Group, Pain & More is as majestic as it is moving – a heartrending deep dive into Lily Kershaw’s fractured mind, body, and spirit. “I’ve been looking for my own personal Jesus – something I could believe in; a God of my understanding – a soft place for landing,” she sings in the album’s opening line – setting the scene for a collection of uncompromisingly honest songs straight from her own hurting heart:
Is there anybody out there
Who can tell me where we go
And why I am scared
Is there an action to break this curse
And free me while I’m still here on earth
Cause I’ve been living in mourning
I can’t make it go away
Don’t know how long this time it’ll stay
Is the laughing a warning?
Is the laughing a warning?
– “Depreshmode,” Lily Kershaw
It’s a long and winding road that brings us to the finale’s equally stirring conclusion, “Maybe it’s alright that you didn’t pass the test; that you’re some unusual creature, some mangled beast at best. But maybe you are perfect, and the earth loves you still. Maybe you’re her greatest achievement – her greatest attraction on the bill.” It’s a glimmer of long-sought, hard-won hope; an inkling of light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel.
That’s also how depression works in real life: You don’t “fix yourself” – or rid yourself of your very real feelings – over 35 minutes’ time. However, you do learn to cope with the symptoms; to understand the signs, and recognize your own thoughts and tendencies. You grow to live with depression, and over time, it becomes just another part of your multi-faceted identity. You persist; you persevere; and in doing so, you triumph.
Maybe it’s simple
Maybe it’s quiet
Maybe your soft self acceptance
Is a rebellious riot
Maybe it’s time
Who’ll one day be your friend
Maybe it’s temperance
Who’ll love you most in the end
Maybe your heartbreak
Doesn’t mean that it’s over
Maybe your empty bottle
Doesn’t mean you need to get sober
Maybe one day you will listen
To the small voice in your head
Not the one that berates you
But the one who calls you friend
– “Poem Song,” Lily Kershaw
Arriving five long years after Kershaw’s sophomore LP Arcadia, Pain & More is the artist’s most provocative, powerful, and passionate work to date.
“When I started writing this record, I thought I was headed in the direction of a completely different concept that would touch on my experience with depression, but wouldn’t be the sole focus of the album,” she tells Atwood Magazine. “As I continued to write, my experience with depression is all that kept pouring out. Finally I took the hint and just dove fully into writing about it, and Pain & More was born!”
“My initial vision was wanting to tell stories about lineages and family trees and the things that get passed on to us or the stories that sit in our collective memories. I think that could be a great record at some point, but at the moment in time when I was writing and then recording Pain & More, it was more important for me on an almost somatic level to move the stories of my experience with depression out of my body.”
“I think my writing deepened,” she adds, comparing her latest album to her last two LPs. “The way I think about things and then communicate them got stronger. I show up as more of myself. There is also not a single line that I wrote for this record that was just filler, a place holder, or put in to make the song work. Every single lyric is the truth of my experience.”
No one noticed I was blue
No one noticed it was you
Who put me in this state
Made me feel this way
I stop and pray for peace
What every person needs
And a little quiet too
It’s a dark thing
What the wrong love can bring
Don’t let it happen to you
I was had
Had by you
Yeah you got me
You got me blue
I was done
Done in by you
Yeah you got me
But now I’m so blue
– “Love Is a Dark Comedy,” Lily Kershaw
Kershaw describes Pain & More as an honest, intimate, and revealing record.
The title takes its name from the song of the same name, which is home to the lyric, “Well I’ve been right here before/ and I’ve felt that pain & more/I’ve been hoping for some good days.”
“I felt it accurately captured what I was sharing in the record,” she explains. “I also kind of thought it was a bit funny and cheeky. Usually it’s ‘sofas and more!’, ‘pancakes and more!’ It’s never ‘pain & more!’”
Highlights abound on the journey from album opener “Depreshmode” (great name for a song, if there ever was one) to closer “Poem Song.” It’s an arduous trek from end to end, full of painful reflections, reckonings, realizations, and more. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be free; I gave then let them take the rest of me,” Kershaw sings in “Never Tell a Soul,” her voice a lightning rod of pain and passion. True to real life, joy does not always win out in Kershaw’s songwriting; sometimes the weight of the world overwhelms her, and we feel it pressing down on tracks like “Call whoever this makes you think of (except your narcissistic ex)”: “We came to win but we lose; we came to play but sing the blues,” she laments. “We watch it all boil down; we rack it up but don’t pay the tab, and hurt each other when we’re feeling bad, and paint blue all over this town.”
For Kershaw, this entire album is a personal (and professional) achievement. “I really love the whole album,” she smiles. “Stand out songs for me are ‘Depreshmode,’ ‘Americandream,’ ‘Pain & More,’ ‘Love Is A Dark Comedy,’ and ‘Poem Song.’ That’s almost half the record! I really, really love the whole thing!” She adds that her favorite lyric occurs in her cathartic exhale, “Poem Song”:
Maybe it’s alright
That you didn’t pass the test
That you’re some unusual creature
Some mangled beast at best
For Kershaw, bringing her innermost thoughts and feelings to life resulted in an empowering record that hits hard, and resonates with deeper truths.
In being so unfiltered in her art, she has created something in which she and others can find sanctuary and strength.
I’ve decided I’m gonna burn out
Bright flame, bright shout
Nothing here to cry about
Too big go home
You’re on your own
– “Too Big Go Home,” Lily Kershaw
“I hope listeners give themselves room to be where they are, feel how they feel, and release any judgement they may have for themselves and how they’re feeling or what they’re going through,” Kershaw shares. “I took away a deeper writing practice – I’m a more intense editor now, and I never let a line slip through that isn’t the truth.”
“I feel I met myself more fully on the other side of not just writing this record, but also recording it as well.”
Experience the full record via our below stream, and peek inside Lily Kershaw’s Pain & More with Atwood Magazine as she goes track-by-track through the music and lyrics of her third studio album!
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:: stream/purchase Pain & More here ::
:: connect with Lily Kershaw here ::
Stream: ‘Pain & More’ – Lily Kershaw
:: Inside Pain & More ::
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Depreshmode
“Depreshmode” is about my personal experience with prolonged depression. The voices in my head both good and bad make an appearance in this song.
Too Big Go Home
Too Big Go Home is about feeling that your emotions or who you are as a person is too big and doesn’t fit anywhere. I’ve told myself “Too big. Go home!” on more than one occasion in my life.
Living Room Parties
Living Room Parties is reflecting on a time in my life when I was incapacitated by depression and couldn’t be present or feel any emotions at a party at a friend’s house. Years later when I wasn’t in a depressive episode, I was able to enjoy the simple beauty and joy of a living room party.
Americandream
Americandream is a song about the crumbling of the American dream but is ultimately a hopeful & encouraging song about going after the dream you have regardless.
Pain & More
Pain & More is a song about despondency as a result of a romantic break up and longing for a simple time where your basic needs are met and your loved ones are happy.
Love Is A Dark Comedy
Love Is A Dark Comedy is a song about a toxic romantic relationship that deeply wounded me and honestly changed me for a period of time.
This Isn’t Final
This Isn’t Final is a song encouraging you to continue on no matter how dark things in your mind or life have gotten.
That Was A Fire
“That Was a Fire” is a song about realizing that a past version of your life wasn’t at all what it appeared to be and coming to terms with that as you leave that version of your life behind.
Call whoever this makes you think of (except your narcissistic ex)
This is a song about what I wish I had done or said instead of completely isolating during a prolonged episode of depression.
Never Tell a Soul
“Never Tell a Soul” is a song about leaving behind all the pain that came before and not looking back. “I’ll live well and I’ll live good/ I won’t look back though I wish I could.”
Poem Song
Poem Song is a song of self-acceptance and how maybe that is the truest form of healing and rebellion!
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:: stream/purchase Pain & More here ::
:: connect with Lily Kershaw here ::
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© Cort Wilson
© Cort WilsonPain & More
an album by Lily Kershaw
