An unapologetic anthem of intimate reflection and inner reckoning, VARLEY’s “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” is a seductive roller-coaster of radiant sound and feverish emotion that forces us to stop in our tracks.
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Stream: “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” – VARLEY
VARLEY’s latest single is a bit like The Powerpuff Girls: The indie pop trio packed, sugar, spice, and everything nice – along with a healthy dose of chemical “X” – into a superhuman song that soars, stirs, and aches from the inside out. An unapologetic anthem of intimate reflection and inner reckoning, “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” is a seductive roller-coaster of radiant sound and feverish emotion that forces us to stop in our tracks.
As VARLEY spiral out, we’re invited to check in with ourselves and contemplate our own reactions to the fracture, the damage, and the raw chaos in our world. Are we handling things the way we want to? Are we doing okay? Loosen up, strap in, and get ready to get deep as Berlin’s hottest indie pop exports hold a big, bold, and brutally honest mirror up to their lives.
I wrote and then erased
every thought I had today
It all felt so insignificant, trivial really
And I wish that cringey posts on the internet
wouldn’t clog my brain with self-disrespect
When I know there’s so much more,
like they might just start a war
Released August 4, 2023 via FerryHouse, “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” is as stunningly cinematic as it is unapologetically intimate. VARLEY’s second single of the year (following May’s deeply visceral and emotive “Biggest Lie of the Century”) sees the Berlin, Germany-based trio of Claire-Ann Varley, Joschka Bender, and Matthias Heising channeling darkness into light and pain into beauty.
A summery, sun-soaked song ready to move our bodies and spirits alike, “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” isn’t the endless hole of misery and distress its title might suggest; in fact, it’s far more an introspective bop than it is a self-loather’s lament.
Frontwoman Claire-Ann Varley delves deep into her feelings in a soaring chorus driven by glistening guitars, churning drums, and a series of self-reflections and confrontations that dig deep by asking those questions we so often try to avoid or ignore:
Oh I hate myself so much sometimes
Got a million worthless things in mind
And I know I should be losing sleep
Don’t know what the hell is wrong with me
Oh I hate myself so much sometimes
Am I really just the selfish kind
Or do I distract my mind
so I can live a halfway normal life
“When you say it out loud it sounds pretty harsh, but ‘Hate Myself’ is actually about trying to figure out how to deal with everything that’s going on in the world without going mad,” Varley tells Atwood Magazine. “I find it so hard to care without completely losing myself, and so sometimes I’m guilty of burying my head in the sand or getting lost down a social media rabbit hole as a way to escape from the constant worry.”
Hello from the rabbit hole
Seems I’m not alone in this bubble
coz when I look at my phone, I see a discrepancy
between what they want me to see and reality
So I’ll just bury my head, cat videos in bed
An Atwood Magazine Editor’s Pick known for making music that’s “as radiant as it is emotionally turbulent,” VARLEY are without a doubt an artist-to-watch – and one we can’t wait to hear more from in the months to come. Their 2021 debut album Smalltalk & DMCs includes such standouts as “Push Pull” and “Bubble Up” (described as “a bustling indie pop fervor” and a “performance for the ages, channeling turmoil into a mesmerizing four-minute experience”), and remains a worthwhile listening experience two years out (it just celebrated its second birthday on September 17, 2023).
And for as great as all the songs on that album are – and they truly are special, coming together to provide a singular, spellbinding journey from start to finish – “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” is even better: A fresh, fiery, and buoyant nosedive into an emotional rabbit hole of unrelenting, unfiltered inner reckoning. VARLEY’s latest song reminds us that, even when it feels like we’re the only ones spiraling out of control in a stormy and unstable world, we’re far from alone.
Oh I hate myself so much sometimes
Got a million worthless things in mind
And I know I should be losing sleep
Don’t know what the hell is wrong with me
In fact, everyone’s in their own rabbit holes, digging in when they need the safety and sanctuary – and trying to climb their way out when it’s time to resurface.
Oh I hate myself so much sometimes
Am I really just the selfish kind
Or do I distract my mind
so I can live a halfway normal life
Oh I hate myself so much sometimes
Got a million worthless things in mind
And I know I should be losing sleep
Don’t know what the hell is wrong with me
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Stream: “Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes)” – VARLEY
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© Paul Hepper
© Paul Hepper
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