Breathtakingly beautiful and gut-wrenchingly candid, Abby Holliday’s poignantly titled “Immortal” is an achingly intimate, devastatingly vulnerable reckoning with the cruel, inextricable relationship between love and loss.
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True love is such a meaningful experience that inevitably causes some weighty thoughts to arise. You can’t have love without loss.
It was at a wedding, of all places, that I realized one of the cruelest truths that comes with loving someone: One of you will, inevitably and without question, lose the other one.
This isn’t an easy thing to think about, nor is it a topic I like dwelling on very much; I’ve been happily married for the past 2.5 years, and I intend to stay that way for the rest of time. But every so often – usually at night, as I’m trying to fall asleep – my racing mind reminds me of this painful fact, and almost instinctually, I bury my head in my partner’s curls and kiss her as hard as I can, hoping not to wake her up in the process. It’s a little ritual I do with myself, and I suppose the idea is that, even though I know one day we’ll lose each other, today we’re alive; today our love is alive, and all of that is worth embracing; embracing, and never letting go.
Singer/songwriter Abby Holliday has been plagued by these same haunts – and when you can’t shake those worries away, how better to explore them than to put your thoughts in song? The artist’s latest release, poignantly titled “Immortal,” is an achingly intimate and devastatingly vulnerable reckoning with the cruel, inextricable relationship between love and loss. Breathtakingly beautiful and gut-wrenchingly candid, it’s an up-close and personal reflection from Holliday at her most open and exposed, and in an exciting twist, it’s also her very first “proper” love song.
But unlike other love songs that dwell on the surface or in a particular moment of connection or euphoria, Holliday dives deep into her love’s past, present, and future – unpacking her woes and fears of losing the love of her life, now that she’s finally found him.
I’ve got this feeling
You’re gonna die early
Without any warning
Oh god can you warn me?
At least come and haunt me
Switch out the laundry
Cause me to question
My reality
‘Cause I’d rather go crazy
And not have you with me
Than not have you with me
And block out the memories
Like how you kissed my cheek
And told me you need me
Little do you know
The scales are still tipping
They’re tipping, they’re tipping, they’re tipping
Independently released March 8, “Immortal” is Abby Holliday’s first song of 2024. A longtime Atwood Magazine artist-to-watch and Editor’s Pick, Holliday has always pulled material from her innermost sanctum, writing and singing from a place of honesty and raw, unapologetic intimacy – whether it was about her relationship with her late grandmother, her mental health, or her reservations around love and longterm relationships, Holliday has not just worn, but truly plastered her heart on her sleeve for these past three years, bringing listeners deep into her world through through two stunning studio albums – 2021’s WHEN WE’RE FAR APART I FALL APART and 2023’s I’M OK NO I’M NOT – that went far beyond entry-level emotions and innocent introductions.
Still, “Immortal” is one of Holliday’s most revealing songs yet; she ebbs and flows between those anxious, haunting stream-of-conscious thoughts and conversations with her loved one, all the while processing what it means to love someone so deeply that their loss – an incomprehensible thought in itself – sends shivers shooting down your spine. Holliday come to a fever pitch in a confessional chorus heavy with heartache and yearning, seemingly resigned to ache forever and ever:
You’re walking on water
I’m drowning in carpet
You’re sleeping soundly
While there’s waterfalls running down my neck
You say you’re immortal
I don’t believe you
You’re sleeping soundly
While I figure out how
I’m gonna bring you back to life
It’s a potent, provocative, and emotionally visceral climax, and one that ends on a bittersweet high – making our loved ones live forever is as much a selfless act as it is a selfish one, but it’s all just a fantasy in the end. All we can really do is cling to the present, and love with our whole hearts, our whole bodies, our whole beings.
“‘Immortal’ is technically the first love song I’ve released,” Holliday tells Atwood Magazine. “Up until this point, most of the tension in my songs that are specifically about romantic relationships reflect a lack of interest, and the insecurities and confusion that come alongside that feeling. My current discography has pretty much only negative things to say about love, haha. ‘Immortal’ shows a new side of me that I haven’t really revealed yet in my music, which I think obviously correlates to the circumstances in my life.”
“A close friend recently pointed out something interesting that I hadn’t noticed before. He said that a lot of my music up until this point comes across as a search for something meaningful and real, and ‘Immortal’ shows how I’m doing now that I have found it. True love is such a meaningful experience that inevitably causes some weighty thoughts to arise. You can’t have love without loss. I’m finally understanding what it’s like to actually be afraid of losing something, which is a privilege, and something I didn’t know if I’d ever be capable of feeling.”
She continues to wrestle with her feelings in a heartrending second verse, which leads right back to an increasingly passionate, intense chorus:
I’ve got this feeling
We’ll travel the whole world
You’ll get big ideas
And I won’t complete them
I can’t help but notice
There’s such a difference
The way that you’re moving
The way you’re not looking
But you reassure me I’m your favorite idea
Little do you know the scales are still tipping
They’re tipping, they’re tipping, they’re tipping
You’re walking on water
I’m drowning in carpet
You’re sleeping soundly
While there’s waterfalls running down my neck
You say we’re immortal
I try to believe you
You’re sleeping soundly
While I figure out how I’m gonna bring this back to
I’m finally understanding what it’s like to actually be afraid of losing something, which is a privilege, and something I didn’t know if I’d ever be capable of feeling.
Holliday finds resolution in conclusion many of us hopeless romantics have come to, dating all the way back to the days of Romeo and Juliet: “Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room,” she insists. “If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too.” Repeated over and over for the song’s final minute, this heartfelt demand becomes her bold new mantra: A message of undying (hehe) love that resonates long after the music stops.
For those of us who, as Holliday put it, have had the privilege of falling in love, this ultimatum feels like the only reasonable response. Once you’ve known what it’s like to live your life in perfect harmony with someone else, the thought of being apart from them… well, you fall apart. Some might see this ending as painful or broken; I see it as a romantic gesture from the most beautiful, and the most painful, depths of a love raw, pure, and true.
Stay tuned for more to come from Abby Holliday as she continues to release more music this spring and summer!
Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room
If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too
Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room
If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too
Holding on too tight cause I never lose
Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room
If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too
Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room
If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too
Holding on too tight cause I never lose
If you’re gonna die you gotta take me too
Don’t turn out the light when I’m in the room
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Stream: “Immortal” – Abby Holliday
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© Samuel Greenhill artwork © Grace Holliday
© Samuel Greenhill
artwork © Grace Holliday
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